Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Yep, its Lent and a great topic to focus on during that time of preparation for Easter is the fall. Only that's not my subject for today. No, today I'd like to focus on a fall of a different nature. The fall I'm talking about is the spectacular flip I took off my icyfront porch on the way to church Sunday morning. Oh yeah, spectacular is mild considering the total wipe out I took. So, I'm walking out the door, knowing its raining, not knowing it was ice rain. I'm teaching 2 classes that morning so I need to look somewhat nice so I forgo the sensible boots and put on a rockin pair of shoes...at least they were flat. (Those who know me can atest to my love of high heels...) Anyway, I'm not kidding when I say this, one foot hit the porch and the rest of me sailed along behind in a sort of ballet. Only mine was not elegant. I honestly don't remember the fall, just the landing. I hit the ground in what I can only describe as a really great goalie position. Ready to make a great save, you know? One leg was behind me and one in a position something like the splits only, I can't do the splits. Now, remember, I'm going to be teaching so I'm loaded for bear, I have every Cathecism book I own, plus craft materials, candles, bibles, markers, blah blah blah...you get the picture. The stuff was everywhere, because in ice, things travel far when they've had a great push. Now, I'm not a petite woman, I'm full figured so this fall had some gusto behind it. And even in this new most vulnerable position my first thought was not did I break anything, but, was instead, 'did anyone just see that'? Oh yeah, my pride was in full swing. The neighbours across the road were pulling out of the driveway around the time I went down so I'm not really sure if they saw, but they're the type that would have stopped the car in the middle of traffic to run over and see if I was okay. No, they kept driving...I stayed down until they turned the corner. Then it hit...FEAR. Oh my gosh, overwhelming FEAR. Talk about an attack. So I reach around behind myself to see if my ankle is in anyway attached to my leg and it is so its not a compound fracture thank you Jesus. So I pull myself into a crawl position and scooch into the house. This whole event actually took about 1 minute of my life, but felt like hours. I finally get through the front door and scream to my husband...."FRANK HELP ME......." He doesn't come. My daughter who was about 5 steps behind me was right there trying to help me walk. And I'm still screaming for my husband...he finally hears me and comes up the stairs in 2 leaps. He is a robust indivdual and my knight in shining armour....I'm crying at this point, why didn't you come??? He says, I didn't hear you I was in the bathroom. Men! Anyway, he came to rescue me like he always does. Honestly, ladies, he really is my knight in shining armour and in a different post in a different time of history, I'll tell you why. Just know that this man, is my true love and I am a very blessed woman. I know with my soul that God made this man just for me and somehow, found me worthy of him. Ahhhhhh, okay, back to the fall....so, Frank twists and turns and looks for bones to be in the right spot and I'm crying and out of my mouth pops the following, I'll quote it for you because I remember it so clearly. "I'M AFRAID" Can you believe it? I'm afraid. I just finished giving a talk to the youth of my church on fear and out of my mouth pops I'm afraid. Now, I can think of a few reasons for this. I chose this year as my year of delieverance from fear so I'm dealing with a real spiritual war issue. The enemy of my soul spoke out the demon I'm trying to do away with. Hearing those words out of my mouth, felt like I was honestly not speaking them, but hearing someone eles. So now I know, this is serious. So my demon named itself outloud to me and my husband. I've never said those words outloud before. And I was afraid. Out of the heart the mouth speaks. But looking back, there was nothing to be afraid of. I was feeling anger to be really honest, because I have no time in my life for this injury. My daughter is having her Confirmation in 2 weeks and there is some serious preparation to be done. Food must be purchased (Italian family we celebrate with food), clothing must be shopped for, appointments made with the priest, the sponsor, driving to be done (its my right leg) I cannot sit with my leg up! So, remember that pride thing? Full swing. I was dealing with fear and pride. Very ugly situation I found myself in. Church is about to start in 15 mins. I won't be showing up to teach the class I need to, I have a meeting with 6 women between classes and then have to teach a second class of 17 kids with 17 of their parents staying on to observe the class. The church office is closed...how do I contact all these people? I can't just not show up, that's not my nature. So I start calling everyone I can think of and the word goes out and all is well. Sort of. By this point, I'm in pain, I feel stupid and I'm pissed off. Pardon my mouth but thats really how I felt. So, I'm missing church, I'm missing teaching, I'm in fear, I'm dealing with pride and it hurts. So I spent the day with my foot in RICE mode...rest, ice, compress, elevate. My friend is a nurse and she reminded me of how to manage all that. The next day, things are not that much better but, I pulled myself together and went to the arena to watch my kids skate and I tried driving. It was okay. But the pitty party I had for myself was just ugly. Now I'm repenting. Today is day 3 and I know I'm going to be fine. The fear is over, the pride is back in check but I have some serious work to do. Its good to know who I'm dealing with. Now for the battle. Its easy to battle when we're strong, its hard to battle when your down. So, I fall back on building my house. Don't wait for a storm to build my house and defineately don't build it from sand. So I'm going in the house building business for the rest of lent. God showed me some really important battles that I have to show up to fight. He'll do the warring, I just need to agree. Praise God, he already won! Why does it take so much for me to believe Him? Just when you think your getting it eh? So I'm off to put on my whole armor of God and journal with my Jesus about how he wants me to win. Let me tell you, its a humbling experience to be a teacher who needs to be taught. I have a long way to go, but I'm ready.